However much he may tell her he loves her and thinks her beautiful, his loving gaze could never console her. Because the gaze of love is the gaze that isolates. Jean-Marc thought about the loving solitude of two old persons become invisible to other people: a sad solitude that prefigures death. No, what she needs is not a loving gaze but a flood of alien, crude, lustful looks settling on her with no good will, no discrimination, no tenderness or politeness - settling on her fatefully, inescapably. Those are the looks that sustain her within human society. The gaze of love rips her out of it.
In Kundera's "Identity," the protagonist reflects on the limitations of love and the impact of isolation that comes with it. A loving gaze, while it may offer affection, ultimately fails to connect on a deeper level. Instead, it creates a separation from the world, emphasizing a solitary existence, particularly in the context of aging and invisibility that couples may experience. This kind of solitude is portrayed as a precursor to death, highlighting the melancholic aspect of their love.
The character concludes that what is truly needed for connection and belonging is not love but rather the raw, unfiltered attention from others. Crude and lustful gazes, devoid of sentimentality, ironically serve to affirm one’s place within society. These looks, which lack tenderness, become essential to her identity, as they anchor her in a social framework where love can inadvertently detach and isolate. Kundera’s exploration reveals the paradox of love and societal connection, suggesting that societal validation often comes at the expense of intimate affection.
