In her memoir "Memories of a Catholic Girlhood," Mary McCarthy reflects on returning to school as a full-time boarder, fueled by a determination to carve her own path. After a summer of solitude spent engaging in various outdoor activities, she finds herself in a rebellious mindset. This shift has led her to adopt a bold approach to gaining recognition, driven by a desire to stand out regardless of the methods she might employ.

McCarthy likens her feelings to those of politicians and adolescents, who often find themselves in a gamble for attention and status. In this vulnerable yet daring phase, she scrutinizes the structured environment of the convent school, contemplating how she might achieve fame. If virtue alone would not bring her the recognition she craved, she was prepared to seek notoriety instead, highlighting a complex interplay between ambition and the desire for acceptance.