I cannot enjoy food around my family, but to be fair, food is not something I can enjoy around most people. To be seen while I am eating feels like being on trial. When we do eat together, my family watches me. Or I feel like they are watching me because I am hyper-self-conscious, because they are concerned. Or, more accurately, my family used to intently watch me eating, monitor me, try to control and fix me.
In Roxane Gay's book "Hunger," she explores her complex relationship with food and family. She reveals that she struggles to enjoy meals in the presence of others, feeling scrutinized and judged while eating. This intense self-consciousness stems from her family's past behavior, where they would closely observe her eating habits, aiming to control and influence her relationship with food.
Gay's experience highlights the discomfort that can arise from familial expectations. The act of eating transforms from a simple pleasure into a source of anxiety and pressure, making it difficult for her to find enjoyment in what is often considered a communal and comforting experience. Her narrative sheds light on how family dynamics can deeply affect our personal interactions with food.