I could feel the weight of everything then --- the weight of loneliness, of everything that had gone wrong. I felt heroic, going up those last few flights to the top of the building, dragging that weight along with me. Jumping felt like the only way to get rid of it, the only way to make it work for me instead of against me; I felt so heavy that I knew I'd hit the street in no time. I'd beat the world record for falling off a tower block.
The text captures a moment of profound emotional turmoil, where the narrator experiences a heavy sense of loneliness and regret. As they ascend the building, they metaphorically carry the burdens of their past, feeling a mix of despair and the desire for release. The act of climbing the stairs becomes a heroic endeavor, a struggle against the weight of their internal struggles.
The idea of jumping off the building symbolizes a desperate attempt to escape those overwhelming feelings. The narrator perceives falling as a potential way to transform their heavy burdens into something that could ultimately serve them rather than hinder them. It's a poignant reflection on the extremes of mental anguish and the search for a way out of despair.