I don't like fighting,' he said. 'It makes me hurt inside. Like I'm a kid again. In the cupboard, in the dark. If the grown-ups are fighting, it must be my fault. That's why I don't do rows.' He blinked hard, to keep the tears at bay. She was the only person in the world who could make him feel so exposed. It din't always feel like a good thing. 'Carol, I'm going home tomorrow. I can't manage without you. Not in any sense. So can we stop this no? I can't do it.
In Val McDermid's "Beneath the Bleeding," a character reflects on the emotional turmoil that fighting brings him. He compares the pain of conflict to his childhood memories of darkness and fear, suggesting that he feels responsible for the fights he witnesses. This introspection reveals his deep-seated vulnerabilities and the lasting impact of his experiences. His conversations with Carol highlight his need for her support and the difficulty he faces in dealing with conflict.
The character's admission of not wanting to engage in arguments showcases his desire for peace and stability in his life. As he prepares to leave, he expresses a profound dependency on Carol, indicating that her presence is crucial for his well-being. This plea to stop the fighting underscores the internal struggle he faces, balancing emotional exposure with the fear of abandonment, making it clear that his relationships are complicated by his past trauma.
