I had wanted to kill myself, not because I hated living, but because I loved it.And the truth of the matter is, I think that a lot of people who think about killing themselves feel the same way. They love live but it's all fucked up for themWe were up on that roof because we couldn't find a way back into life, and being shut out of it like that...It just fucking destroys you, man.
The quote from Nick Hornby's "A Long Way Down" expresses a profound internal conflict experienced by those struggling with suicidal thoughts. The speaker reveals that their desire to end their life doesn't stem from a hatred of existence, but rather from an overwhelming love for life that feels unattainable due to their circumstances. This nuanced perspective challenges the common assumption that people who consider suicide do so out of despair, highlighting instead the complexity of their emotions.
The narrator's experience on a rooftop symbolizes the feeling of being trapped outside of life, unable to reconnect with joy and purpose. This situation fosters a sense of despair, illustrating how being shut out from the richness of life can lead to deep psychological pain. The passage underscores that many individuals wrestling with such thoughts genuinely desire to engage with life, yet find themselves consumed by their struggles, which can feel utterly devastating.
