I loved taking off. In my own house, I seemed to be often looking for a place to hide--sometimes from the children but more often from the jobs to be done and the phone ringing and the sociability of the neighborhood. I wanted to hide so that I could get busy at my real work, which was a sort of wooing of distant parts of myself. I lived in a state of siege, always losing just what I wanted to hold on to{...} It was being a watcher that did it. A watcher, not a keeper.
The quote reflects the author's longing for escape from the demands of daily life, illustrating a desire for solitude amidst the chaos of home and family responsibilities. The author finds themselves overwhelmed by tasks and interactions, often seeking refuge to focus on their "real work," which involves a deeper exploration of their identity and soul. This desire to retreat suggests an internal struggle between fulfilling societal roles and pursuing personal fulfillment.
Furthermore, the notion of being a "watcher, not a keeper" emphasizes a sense of detachment from the chaos around them. Instead of actively engaging in the roles of a custodian of life, the author prefers the position of an observer, indicating a philosophical approach to existence. This perspective allows for a deeper understanding of oneself, albeit through an uncomfortable sense of loss and longing for connection with one's true self.
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