I was absolutely terrified going into surgery. I realized I have so much life yet to live. I did not want to die. I thought, I don't want to die, and it was such a strange thought because I've never actively wanted to live as much as I did when I had to face my mortality in such a specific way. I began to think of all the things I still wanted to do, the words I had yet to write. I thought about my friends, my family, my person.
The author, Roxane Gay, expresses her deep fear before undergoing surgery, which forced her to confront her own mortality. In that moment of vulnerability, she discovers a profound desire to live, realizing there are many experiences she still wants to embrace. This heightened awareness of her life’s possibilities highlights the contrast between her previous indifference toward living and the urgency she feels now.
She reflects on her dreams, aspirations, and the relationships that matter most to her, such as her friends and family. The surgery serves as a wake-up call, prompting her to reconsider what it means to truly live and the goals she has yet to achieve. This emotional journey emphasizes the significance of life and the personal connections that enrich it.
