I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilized. I wish it showed me in a better light, if not happier, then at least more active, less hesitant, less distracted by trivia. I wish it had more shape. I wish it were about love, or about sudden realizations important to one's life, or even about sunsets, birds, rainstorms, or snow.{...}I'm sorry there is so much pain in this story. I'm sorry it's in fragments, like a body caught in crossfire or pulled apart by force. But there is nothing I can do to change it.I've tried to put some of the good things in as well. Flowers, for instance, because where would we be without them?
The narrator expresses a deep longing for a more uplifting and coherent narrative, wishing for a story that highlights moments of love and beauty rather than pain and fragmentation. She yearns for a portrayal that is less conflicted and more active, filled with joyous elements like sunsets and nature rather than sorrow. This desire reflects a wish for a life that is more fulfilling and less burdened by hesitation and distraction.
Despite this longing for positivity, the narrator candidly acknowledges the presence of suffering in the story. She apologizes for the fragmented nature of the tale, which mirrors the chaos and distress associated with her experiences. Although she struggles to convey her narrative in a way that is satisfying and whole, she makes an effort to include moments of beauty, such as flowers, recognizing their significance in providing solace amidst the turmoil.
