If you saw her in these moments, you might think she was collecting her thoughts in order to go forward. But I see it another way: Her mind is being overwhelmed by two processes that must simultaneously proceed at full steam. One is to deal with and live in the present world. The other is to re-experience and mourn something that happened long ago. It is as though her lightness pulls her toward heaven, but the extra gravity around her keeps her earthbound.
In this excerpt, the character appears to be deeply introspective, struggling with the weight of her past while trying to navigate her current life. To an outsider, it might seem like she is merely gathering her thoughts in preparation for what lies ahead. However, the true complexity of her situation lies in managing the duality of living in the moment and grappling with unresolved grief that continues to affect her. This internal conflict illustrates the difficulty of moving forward when past experiences loom heavily in the background.
The metaphor of lightness pulling her towards heaven juxtaposed with the gravity that keeps her grounded perfectly captures her emotional struggle. It emphasizes the tension between hope and despair, suggesting that while she yearns for upliftment and peace, her past experiences act as a weight that prevents her from fully embracing the present. This duality reflects a common human experience of seeking solace while being tethered to painful memories, making it a poignant observation of the complexities of emotional existence.
