In our marriage it was our practice not to share anything that was upsetting, depressing, demoralizing, tedious-unless it was unavoidable. Because so much in a writer's life can be distressing-negative reviews, rejections by magazines, difficulties with editors, publishers, book designers-disappointment with one's own work, on a daily/hourly basis!-it seemed to me a very good idea to shield Ray from this side of my life as much as I could. For what is the purpose of sharing your misery with another person, except to make that person miserable, too?
In her book "A Widow's Story," Joyce Carol Oates reflects on her marriage, explaining that she and her partner chose not to burden each other with negative feelings or distressing experiences unless absolutely necessary. She highlights the challenges inherent in a writer's life, including negative feedback and consistent disappointments, which could easily weigh down their relationship. Oates believes it is better to protect her spouse, Ray, from her struggles, as sharing her sorrows might only bring him down.
Oates emphasizes the importance of shielding loved ones from the burdens of one's own troubles. By keeping her challenges to herself, she aims to preserve the happiness and well-being of her partner, suggesting that sharing misery with others often leads to mutual unhappiness. Her commitment to maintaining a positive environment in their marriage illustrates her deep care and desire to protect Ray from the pervasive negativity found in a writer’s life.
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All the things you can talk about in anyone's work are the things that are least important.
Race of Cain, ascend to heaven, And cast God down upon the earth!
