In her book "A Widow's Story," Joyce Carol Oates reflects on her marriage, explaining that she and her partner chose not to burden each other with negative feelings or distressing experiences unless absolutely necessary. She highlights the challenges inherent in a writer's life, including negative feedback and consistent disappointments, which could easily weigh down their relationship. Oates believes it is better to protect her spouse, Ray, from her struggles, as sharing her sorrows might only bring him down.

Oates emphasizes the importance of shielding loved ones from the burdens of one's own troubles. By keeping her challenges to herself, she aims to preserve the happiness and well-being of her partner, suggesting that sharing misery with others often leads to mutual unhappiness. Her commitment to maintaining a positive environment in their marriage illustrates her deep care and desire to protect Ray from the pervasive negativity found in a writer’s life.