It wasn't just the sex. A dark smile from her: that's better. You know I love you. You're the only one. She isn't the first woman he's ever said that to. He shouldn't have used it up so much earlier in his life, he shouldn't have treated it like a tool, a wedge, a key to open women. By the time he got around to meaning it, the words had sounded fraudulent to him and he'd been ashamed to pronounce them.
The narrator reflects on a past relationship where words of love have been used carelessly, reducing their meaning. He realizes that expressing love was more than just a technique to attract women; it was an emotion that he has diluted over time. His partner acknowledges her affection with a smile, but he grapples with the sincerity of his own feelings.
This realization leads to a sense of regret for treating love as a tool rather than a genuine sentiment. By the time he truly understood the weight of the words, they had lost their authenticity for him, making him reluctant to embrace them fully. The passage delves into the complexities of love and the consequences of misusing such powerful expressions.
