The character reflects on his surprising luck in having lived for forty-two years without experiencing the death of colleagues or friends. This realization fills him with wonder at the fragility of life and the rarity of his situation. He thinks about how, despite this fortunate streak, he is aware of the inevitability of mortality, prompting a sense of unease.

This fear resonates with the character, as he contemplates the possibility that, when the time does come, it may be overwhelming. He worries that the anticipated loss may come all at once, leaving him unprepared to face the emotional toll of multiple deaths in quick succession. This internal struggle highlights the universal anxiety about mortality and the unpredictability of life's events.