Of course, I have never had to take that long walk again, and my ears have not burned with quite the same fury, and I have never had to count the packs of cheap cigarettes in order to avoid mocking eyes and floods of tears…not really, not actually, not as such. It just feels that way, sometimes.
In Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity," the protagonist reflects on a past experience that was overwhelming and emotionally taxing. The long walk he refers to symbolizes a moment of deep anxiety and embarrassment, particularly related to his struggles with addiction and personal insecurities. He recalls how he felt the weight of judgment from others and the need to manage appearances by counting his cigarette packs, which echoed his attempts to cope with societal expectations.
Although he acknowledges that he has not had to experience that intense situation again, the lingering feelings of vulnerability remain with him. The phrase suggests that even though time has passed, echoes of those past struggles can still surface, making him feel as though he is still grappling with the same issues. This reflection points to the lasting impact of such experiences on one’s psyche and the difficulty of fully escaping from one’s past feelings and actions.
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