Our relationship couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife. We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or his instincts. My decision was made, made before I'd ever consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it through. Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him. It was an impossibility.
The relationship described is portrayed as precarious, teetering on the edge of uncertainty. The speaker feels that their emotional balance depends solely on the other person's choices and instincts. This imbalance creates a sense of vulnerability, as falling off that metaphorical knife-edge would mean significant consequences for them both.
Despite the fear and anxiety that accompany this situation, the speaker has made an unspoken commitment to the relationship. The thought of distancing themselves from their partner feels unbearable, emphasizing the depth of their attachment and the struggle they face in reconciling their feelings with the instability of the relationship.
