The reality is that most of us lived our first decades feeling welcome only when certain conditions applied: we felt safe and embraced only when the parental units were getting along, when we were on our best behavior, doing well in school, not causing problems, and had as few needs as possible. If you needed more from them, best of luck.
In her book "Small Victories," Anne Lamott reflects on the conditional nature of acceptance experienced during childhood. Many individuals only felt a sense of safety and belonging when certain circumstances aligned, such as harmonious relationships between parents or exemplary behavior and performance in school. These conditions created an environment where love and support seemed contingent, making it difficult for children to express their needs without fear of rejection.
Lamott highlights the struggle many face when they require more emotional support than they receive. This acknowledgment of conditional acceptance emphasizes the importance of nurturing unconditional love that allows children to thrive without the burden of perfectionism or fear of causing trouble. By recognizing these patterns, Lamott encourages a shift toward fostering genuine emotional connections that prioritize understanding and acceptance over compliance with certain expectations.
