To hold her, to keep her -- just as she was -- with her cruelty, with her vulgarity, with her blinding blue eyes, with her miserable poetry, with her fat feet, with her impure, dry, sordid, infantile soul. All of a sudden he thought: If people are reunited in Heaven {I don't believe it, but suppose}, then how shall I stop it from creeping upon me, that shriveled, helpless, lame thing, her soul? But this is the earth, and I am, curiously enough, alive, and there is something in me and in life --
In Vladimir Nabokov's "Pnin," the protagonist is deeply conflicted about his feelings for a woman who embodies both beauty and flaws. He grapples with his desire to embrace her completely, acknowledging her cruelty and imperfections alongside her captivating presence. This complexity reflects his struggle to reconcile his longing with the darker aspects of her character. Meanwhile, he contemplates the implications of an afterlife, questioning how he would confront the idea of such a flawed soul persisting beyond the earthly realm.
Ultimately, the passage conveys a profound tension between love and reality, as the narrator recognizes his own existence and the richness of life around him. Despite his doubts about an afterlife, he is reminded that he is alive and must confront the complexities of his emotions. The passage captures a deep yearning for connection while also confronting the unsettling nature of human existence and the unresolved questions that accompany love and loss.
