wanted to believe-like a child hearing, in perfect safety, a tale of horror-that the unconscious would be like any other room, once the light was let in. That the dark shapes would resolve only into toy horses and Biedermeyer furniture. That therapy could tame it after all, bring it into society with no fear of its someday reverting. I wanted to believe, despite everything my life had been.
The narrator expresses a desire for understanding the depths of the unconscious mind, hoping that exposing its darkness to light would reveal comforting and benign images instead of frightening ones. This wish reflects a childlike innocence, wishing to believe that therapy could conquer the fears and complexities hidden within and make them safe for society. They long for the unconscious to be a familiar space rather than a source of anxiety.
This longing reveals the struggle between the desire for safety and the reality of one's experiences. The narrator hopes that through therapy, the unsettling mysteries of their psyche can be navigated and domesticated, allowing for a reconciliation with past traumas. Yet, the belief that it could be tamed clashes with the acknowledgment of the turmoil that has shaped their life, emphasizing the tension between hope and reality.
