The protagonist reflects on a life lived with cautious detachment, having not fully engaged with its highs and lows. He acknowledges a tendency to let life unfold passively, limiting his experiences to mundane ambitions without truly striving for their fulfillment. This careful existence has led to a lack of profound emotions, with the terms 'ecstasy' and 'despair' feeling like mere literary concepts rather than lived experiences.

This contemplation reveals a sense of regret for not fully embracing life's challenges and joys. The character recognizes that his approach, which he deemed a survival strategy, ultimately resulted in an unremarkable existence devoid of deep emotional engagement. His self-criticisms indicate an awareness of this emptiness, yet he appears to have avoided the pain that comes from confronting these truths.