When we were together, he'd tell me what he wanted to do to me. He wasn't asking permission. I was not an unwilling participant. I was not a willing participant. I felt nothing one way or the other. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to make him happy…. The more I gave, the more he took. At school, he continued to look right through me. I was dying but I was happy.
The quote reflects a complex emotional experience of a young woman in a relationship characterized by a lack of genuine connection. Despite sharing moments together, she felt detached, neither truly consenting to nor rejecting his desires. Her primary longing was for love and approval from him, leading to a cycle where her efforts only seemed to foster more demands from him, leaving her emotionally drained yet paradoxically content in her suffering.
In the context of her life at school, the relationship's emotional toll becomes evident as she feels invisible and overlooked by him, emphasizing her isolation. The struggle between her desire for love and her emotional numbness highlights the complexity of her situation, where providing for another's needs comes at the cost of her own happiness and identity. This can be seen as a commentary on the societal expectations placed on women in relationships.
