Whenever I am near other people, I try to fold into myself so that my body doesn't disrupt the space of others. I take this to extremes. I will spend five-hour flights tucked against the window, my arm tucked into the seat belt, as if trying to create absence where there is excessive presence. I walk at the edge of sidewalks. In buildings I hug the walls. I try to walk as quickly as I can when I feel someone behind me so I don't get in their way, as if I have less of a right to be in the world than anyone else.
In her book "Hunger," Roxane Gay articulates a profound struggle with self-acceptance and the need for space in social settings. She describes her tendency to shrink away from others, often to the point of discomfort, as a way to minimize her physical presence. This reflects a deeper internal conflict where she perceives her existence as intrusive, leading her to contort herself in public places to avoid disturbing those around her.
Gay's experiences unfold in various situations, such as during long flights where she tries to make herself invisible, or while walking along sidewalks, perpetually battling the feeling of being out of place. This self-imposed suppression illustrates a poignant struggle with identity and a desire for invisibility in a world where she feels she has less right to occupy space. Her narrative reveals the complexities of body image and societal expectations, leaving readers to reflect on their own experiences with belonging and presence.