You ask for help and you get nothing: on a conscious level you may have decided that there was nobody there to help, but less consciously, since you did ask, it feels as if help was denied. Hence the angry edge that sometimes sharpens disbelief when it's been renewed by one of these episodes of fruitless asking. In the words of Samuel Beckett, "He doesn't exist, the bastard!" The life of faith has just as many he-doesn't-exist-the-bastard moments as the life of disbelief. Probably more of them, if anything, given that we believers tend to return to the subject more often, producing many more opportunities to be disappointed.
When we seek help but receive none, it can feel like a denial, leading to feelings of anger and disbelief. On a conscious level, we may convince ourselves that no one is available to assist us, but deep down, the act of asking creates a sense of expectation that, when unmet, intensifies our frustration. This sentiment echoes Samuel Beckett's quote about the absence of assistance, highlighting a universal struggle with feelings of abandonment in our times of need.
The experience of disappointment is not exclusive to those who doubt; even believers face these "he-doesn't-exist-the-bastard" moments. In fact, believers may encounter more instances of such disappointment because they often engage more deeply in their faith. This frequent return to seeking divine support can lead to repeated letdowns, making the coexistence of hope and frustration a significant aspect of the spiritual journey, as explored by Francis Spufford in "Unapologetic."
