The protagonist grapples with his feelings of cynicism and melancholy, reflecting on the idea of sentimentality in a world void of witnesses. He recalls Crake's harsh dismissal of emotional vulnerability, questioning whether there is any harm in embracing his feelings, as he is alone in his thoughts. This internal conflict leads him to contemplate suicide, seeing it as a dramatic act traditionally intended for an audience, yet he recognizes a lack of energy and motivation that keeps him from taking that route.

This consideration of death reveals a deeper struggle with despair and the perception of his own emotional state. He imagines the reactions of Crake, who would likely mock him, and Oryx, whose disappointment he fears. His reluctance to end his life stems from a desire for a more profound, meaningful expression of his suffering rather than one that seems trivial or lacking in grace given his circumstances.