You'll have to forgive me. I'm a refugee from the past, and like other refugees I go over the customs and habits of being I've left or been forced to leave behind me, and it all seems just as quaint, from here, and I am just as obsessive about it. Like a White Russian drinking tea in Paris, marooned in the twentieth century, I wander back, try to regain those distant pathways; I become too maudlin, lose myself. Weep. Weeping is what it is, not crying. I sit in this chair and ooze like a sponge.
In this quote from "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood, the speaker reflects on their feelings of nostalgia and loss. They describe themselves as a "refugee from the past," emphasizing how they are trapped in memories and customs that they can no longer fully engage with. The imagery of being stranded in an unfamiliar time and place evokes a deep sense of yearning for what has been lost, as they find themselves obsessively revisiting those memories.
The speaker's experience is marked by a profound melancholy, as they express a distinction between weeping and crying. This suggests a more intense emotional response, a deep sorrow that permeates their being. They describe themselves as a sponge, absorbing the weight of their emotions while being physically present yet emotionally displaced. This poignant portrayal captures the struggle of reconciling with a past that feels simultaneously distant and deeply impactful.
