I am a free man―and I need my freedom. I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and my despair in seclusion; I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions, without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company. What do you want of me? When I have something to say, I put it in print. When I have something to give, I give it. Your prying curiosity turns my stomach! Your compliments humiliate me! Your tea poisons me! I owe nothing to any one. I would be responsible to God alone―if He existed!
In this excerpt from "Tropic of Cancer" by Henry Miller, the speaker expresses a deep desire for personal freedom and solitude. He feels overwhelmed by the expectations and social interactions of others, craving time alone to confront his own feelings of shame and despair. The speaker rejects the intrusion of curious onlookers and feels that their compliments are not genuine, instead finding solace in his own thoughts and the environment around him.
He asserts his independence, claiming that he owes nothing to anyone and only seeks accountability to a higher power, questioning even the existence of God. This powerful declaration of self-reliance reveals the tension between the speaker's yearning for community and his fundamental need for solitude as he navigates the complexities of his emotions and identity.
