In her book "Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture," Roxane Gay shares her personal experience of grappling with grief. She reflects on how her relatives attempted to include her in their expressions of support on social media, but she made a conscious effort to distance herself from these interactions. Gay found the idea of being publicly displayed as part of their mourning uncomfortable.

Her decision to untag herself from these updates highlights her struggle with her own emotions. She expresses a reluctance to participate in someone else's grief when she feels unprepared to confront her own feelings of loss. This candid reflection emphasizes the complexities of navigating personal sorrow amidst the expectations of shared mourning.