In the quoted reflection, the speaker expresses a sense of mixed emotions regarding their past happiness. They acknowledge feeling fortunate and proud for a period of time, suggesting that their joy was significant and perhaps even overwhelming. However, this happiness has now shifted to a sense of permanent unhappiness, indicating that the speaker has experienced a profound change in their outlook on life.

This transition from joy to despair highlights a central theme in Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness," where characters confront the darker aspects of their existence. The quote reveals the fragility of happiness and raises questions about the cost of joy, suggesting that experiencing great happiness can sometimes lead to an equally intense sorrow when that happiness fades.