I was a very lonely child and it's funny but the first word that comes to my head is starved. I felt starved of affection, starved of love and I felt that it wasn't OK to ask for it. Maybe there was a sense that if I deserved it, it would be there. There must be something I'd done which meant I didn't deserve it.
The author reflects on her childhood experiences of loneliness and longing for warmth. She describes feeling an intense lack of affection and love, which left her feeling emotionally malnourished. This craving for care was compounded by a belief that asking for love was unacceptable or perhaps even unwarranted. She suggests an internal struggle where she equated her worthiness of love to her past behaviors.
This sentiment reveals a complex relationship with self-worth and emotional needs. The author implies that her feelings of unworthiness created barriers to receiving affection, leading to a cycle of loneliness. Her introspective thoughts on deserving love speak to the broader issues many face regarding emotional validation and the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships.