In my teens and early twenties, I often went clothes shopping with my mother and I could always see her dismay at where I am forced to shop. I could see that she wished her daughter had a different body. I could see her humiliation and frustration. ... I harbored no small amount of frustration, or anger, for her words, for her disappointment in me, for my inability to be a good daughter, for one more thing I couldn't have – the simple pleasure of having fun while shopping with my mother.
In her memoir "Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body," Roxane Gay reflects on her experiences of shopping with her mother during her teenage years. She notes her mother's visible discomfort with the stores they frequented, revealing a deeper sense of dissatisfaction with Gay's body. This was a painful experience for Gay, who felt her mother’s disappointment and frustration, sensing her wish for a different reality where they could enjoy shopping together without the weight of self-judgment.
Gay expresses her own feelings of anger and frustration at her mother's perceptions and the unspoken pressure to meet societal expectations. She longs for the uncomplicated joy that accompanies a mother-daughter shopping trip, which was overshadowed by the complexities of body image and acceptance. This captures the emotional struggle of yearning for a simple connection while grappling with the implications of physical appearances and familial expectations.