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Home Page Β» Categories Β» Humour

I like being an exhibitionist with you. Besides, you can't say we don't have the climate for it. I don't know, I'd say there's the potential for sunburn in truly terrible places. This is true,” Jay...

Libby Cole Hawaiian...
I like being an exhibitionist with you. Besides, you can't say we don't have the climate for it. I don't know, I'd say there's the potential for sunburn in truly terrible places. This is true,” Jay said gravely. β€œIn all cases of uncontrollable lust, safety first. Seek shade, apply sunscreen, and only then can you fornicate wildly.

Well, now you can see how sensible it is not to start your day by guessing what might happen... After all, how long would I have had to go on guessing before I guessed this?

Jonas Jonasson The Hundred -...
Well, now you can see how sensible it is not to start your day by guessing what might happen... After all, how long would I have had to go on guessing before I guessed this?

Mission accomplished' I said. Pudge my friend, we are indestructible.

John Green Looking for...
Mission accomplished' I said. Pudge my friend, we are indestructible.

Please let's change subject, as despite the alliteration, I don't think Politics and Puddings go together.

J.E. Allen Year of Fire and...
Please let's change subject, as despite the alliteration, I don't think Politics and Puddings go together.

Baldrick: Have you got a plan, my lord? Blackadder: Yes I have, and it's so cunning you can brush your teeth with it!

Richard Curtis
Baldrick: Have you got a plan, my lord? Blackadder: Yes I have, and it's so cunning you can brush your teeth with it!

In his autobiography, Stravinsky relates that the first music he remembers was made by a peasant, working his hand in his armpit to produce a rhythmic farting.

Craig Raine Heartbreak
In his autobiography, Stravinsky relates that the first music he remembers was made by a peasant, working his hand in his armpit to produce a rhythmic farting.

Did he know she could barely think, let alone speak, for awareness of proximity of his fingers? Of course he knew. He was a rake. This is what he did.

Anne Gracie The Perfect Rake
Did he know she could barely think, let alone speak, for awareness of proximity of his fingers? Of course he knew. He was a rake. This is what he did.

When you're conscious of what you're permitting to germinate inside you, the weeds in your life will wither away of their own accord.

Lawrence Shorter
When you're conscious of what you're permitting to germinate inside you, the weeds in your life will wither away of their own accord.

I'm talking to a journalist and I really have nothing to say anymore, this is already uncomfortable. I feel the pain coming already. The brutal pain, when one day I should read your edit of whatever I...

Vincent Gallo
I'm talking to a journalist and I really have nothing to say anymore, this is already uncomfortable. I feel the pain coming already. The brutal pain, when one day I should read your edit of whatever I say, because no matter what I say, no matter how I say it, no matter its tone, its frequency range, its decibel level or the way in which I put the words together, no matter my intentions and no matter the truth. What I'll read one day will be a chastised, manipulated abortion of your misunderstandings, your manipulations, your agenda and your amateur use of the English language.

Oh, measure it all out! Acceptable levels of misery and suffering! The cane swung down, thumped hard on the ground. Acceptable? Who the fuck says any level is acceptable? What sort of mind thinks...

Steven Erikson
Oh, measure it all out! Acceptable levels of misery and suffering! The cane swung down, thumped hard on the ground. Acceptable? Who the fuck says any level is acceptable? What sort of mind thinks that? Karsa grinned, Why, a civilized one. Indeed! Shadowthrone turned to Cotillion. And you doubted this one!

I'm not tired. I'm just checking my eyelids for holes. It could take a while

Suzanne Wright Feral Sins
I'm not tired. I'm just checking my eyelids for holes. It could take a while

Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they're obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye....

Nick Harkaway Angelmaker
Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they're obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye. "Can we be very clear," Polly Cradle murmurs, "that I am not your booby sidekick or your Bond girl? That I am an independent supervillain in my own right?" Joe swallows. "Yes, we can," he says carefully. "There will therefore be no more 'Say hello, Polly'?" "There will not."

D'you think he would have thought ahead like that?" said Henry. "Assuredly," said Will. "The man's a strategist." He tapped his temple. "Like me.

Cassandra Clare Clockwork Prince
D'you think he would have thought ahead like that?" said Henry. "Assuredly," said Will. "The man's a strategist." He tapped his temple. "Like me.

There are some laws that are coded into the very nature of the universe, and one is: There Is Never Enough Shelf Space.

Terry Pratchett The Globe
There are some laws that are coded into the very nature of the universe, and one is: There Is Never Enough Shelf Space.

"Igor?" said Moist. "You have an Igor?" "Oh, yes," said Hubert. "That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr. Lipspick....

Terry Pratchett Making Money
"Igor?" said Moist. "You have an Igor?" "Oh, yes," said Hubert. "That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr. Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!" "Ha ha," agreed Moist. "Ha hah hah!" said Hubert. "Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!" - "Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed. Sorry about that, it's the air down here," he mumbled.

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?""Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

Terry Pratchett The building
Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?""Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

It's ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the pudding!

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure!" the Queen said. "Twopence a week, and jam every other day."Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, "I don't want you to hire me - and I don't care for...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

The executioner's argument was that you couldn't cut of something's head unless there was a trunk to sever it from. He'd never done anything like that in his time of life, and wasn't going to start...

Lewis Carroll Alice in...

What He really hates is the shit that gets carried out in his name. Wars. Bigotry. Televangelism.- Rufus, Dogma

Kevin Smith Dogma

More of your conversation would infect my brain.

William Shakespeare Coriolanus

cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.

Simone Elkeles Rules of...

The Professor doesn't have a problem being called Dick? If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich . . . not Dick. Hell, I'd even settle for being called Chard.

Simone Elkeles Rules of...

What's with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan.""I suspect I am a hooligan.

Simone Elkeles Rules of...

Listen, I didn't ask for a face and body girls find attractive. But thanks to the mixture of my parents' DNA, I've got them, and I'm not ashamed to use 'em.

Simone Elkeles Rules of...

You look like a hot tamale.""That's not really a compliment.

Simone Elkeles Rules of...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a dickhead. Well, I did.

Simone Elkeles Perfect...

A text pops up on the screen. It's from Luis. I can't help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out message.

Simone Elkeles Rules of...

Whoa, who was that?Madison Stone, Kiara mutters.Introduce me to her.Why?Because I know it'll annoy the shit out of you.

Simone Elkeles Rules of...

Sylvia grabs my sleeve. He's a looker.I know. The problem is, he knows it, too.

Simone Elkeles Rules of...
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1916 - Jack Vance 1974 - Jen Kirkman 1951 - Barbara Hambly 1969 - Sheryl Sandberg 1749 - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 1906 - John Betjeman 1952 - Rita Dove 1924 - Janet Frame 1917 - Jack Kirby 1903 - Bruno Bettelheim 1986 - Florence Welch 1916 - C. Wright Mills 1958 - Scott Hamilton 1957 - Daniel Stern 1928 - Eugene Kennedy 1969 - Jack Black 1962 - David Fincher 1972 - Robert Battle 1954 - George M. Church 1948 - Carol Bartz 1982 - LeAnn Rimes 1961 - Jennifer Coolidge 1960 - Leroy Chiao 1973 - J. August Richards 1908 - Roger Tory Peterson 1938 - Paul Martin 1958 - Erwin McManus 1981 - Jake Owen 1986 - Armie Hammer 1989 - Cassadee Pope
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