You were not acquainted with my father, Mr Morville. I have often been sorry that you were not, for you would have been excessively pleased with one another. My father was a great reader, though not,...

A jaw like a mastiff's, a frame like a giant's, eyes like two daggers, a smile like a tiger's snarl,Bernard murmured.Aye, he is all that!! Master Herbert said.A murrain be on him! And when I came to...

She sighed and leaned her cheek against his shoulder. How comfortable this is! she said. And so delightfully vulgar! Does plain Mr Dash put his arm round ladies in hackney coaches?When not in gaol he...

The matter with human beans," the BFG went on, "is that they is absolutely refusing to believe in anything unless they is actually seeing it right in front of their own schnozzles.

Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.

Philippe also brought along musicians - mainly trumpeters and drummers - to scare the enemy. Even then, French music was known to terrify the English.

Psipsina emerged from inside the tunic, and jumped up on the table in order to curl up inside the cap, which had been her favourite resting place ever since she discovered the joys of contortionism;...

At the zoo, I stood in front of the primate cage listening to a woman marvel at how presidential the four-hundred-pound gorilla looked sitting astride a shorn oaken limb, keeping a watchful eye over...

It struck him that how you spent Christmas was a message to the world about where you were in life, some indication of how deep a hole you had managed to burrow for yourself

A man who trusts everyone is a fool and a man who trusts no one is a fool. We are all fools if we live long enough.

I swear to hold my tongue about it till the end of your worship's days, and God grant I may be able to let it out tomorrow

We offered her flowers and signalled to her with our penises, but she did not respond with joy.''The men with the extra skins didn't look happy. They looked angry.''We went towards them to greet them,...

I already told you, said Adam. There is no need to swear.Sorry, it just fucking slipped out, said Zeb.

I always thought eating was a ridiculous activity anyway. I'd get out of it myself if I could, though you've got to do it to stay alive, they tell me.

I click to buy it and I'm furious to discover that it's not available in Ireland and they won't post it from abroad and the only place that sells it is Harrods and it's impossible for me to go to...

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Please, comrade! I just want to chop him up for the stew!''And that's another thing! I'm tired of stew! I want to put him in a crust and bake a light fluffy quiche!''QUICHE?! What kind of food is THAT...

Peabody pursed her lips. You're really mean today. Yes. Yes, I am. Eve took a deep gulp of hideous air, and smiled. I feel good about that.

Well, stop it or . . . Crap, is that Drunk Santa currently mooning passing traffic?Wow, that's some ugly ass he's got there. It is Drunk Santa. Oh, please, do we have to stop? Think of the smell. Fear...

She didn't want the medi-techs. She wanted a fucking a candy bar.

Can I borrow fifty bucks?What?I'm short until payday.You're short every day.

She didn't want the medi-techs. She wanted a fucking candy bar. {...} She reached down {...} and chose a Galaxy bar {...} I'm going home. You didn't pay for that, Francois shouted after her. Fuck you,...

I'm going to see if Morris has a spare spine lying around you can borrow if you're scared to speak to that high-heeled, smug-ass bitch, Peabody.

The Romans always wanted bread and circuses-food and entertainement! As we destroy their city, I will offer them both. Behold, a sample!Someething dropped from the ceiling and landed at Percy's feet:...

Not that my regularly scheduled life was so great, but it beat getting judged unworthy by twelve bearded guys named Erik.

Even from far away, I could see people being chased by hellhounds, burned at the stake, forced to run naked through cactus patches or listen to opera music.

Grover and Nico came back from their walk, and Grover helped me fix up my wounded arm."It's green!" Nico said with delight.

My dad gave me a present once,' Nico said. 'It was a zombie.' Reyna stared at him. 'What?' 'His name is Jules-Albert. He's French.''A... French zombie?

The the glow become brighter: a holographic golden sickle with a few sheaves of wheat, rotating just above Meg McCaffrey.A boy in the crowd gasped. 'She's a communist!'A girl who'd been sitting at...

Now-what's our game plan?Coach Hedge belched. He'd already had three espressos and a plate of doughnuts, along with two napkins and another flower from the vase on the table. He would've eaten the...