But as the scissors snip-snapped through her hair and the razor shaved the rest, she realized with a sudden awful panic that she could no longer recall anything from the past. I cannot remember, she whispered to herself. I cannot remember. She's been shorn of memory as brutally as she'd been shorn of her hair, without permission, without reason... Gone, all gone, she thought again wildly, no longer even sure what was gone, what she was mourning.
In this passage from "The Devil's Arithmetic" by Jane Yolen, a character experiences a deep sense of loss as she undergoes a personal transformation. As her hair is cut away, she feels an overwhelming panic that accompanies the physical change; she suddenly realizes that her memories have also vanished. This loss is presented as abrupt and violent, mirroring the act of cutting her hair. The protagonist speaks to herself in despair, expressing her inability to remember anything of her past, amplifying the sense of fear and confusion.
The character's emotional turmoil is heightened by the fact that her memories have been taken from her without her consent or understanding. The phrase "Gone, all gone," encapsulates her grief and the loss of identity that results from this experience. It highlights her struggle as she tries to grasp what has slipped away from her, reinforcing the idea that memory is deeply intertwined with who we are. Overall, this excerpt powerfully captures the devastation of losing both physical and mental parts of oneself in a moment.
