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Home Page » Categories » Humor

Just in case you thought elephants were all sweetness, I can attest to the fact that this one had the time of her life scaring the bejeezus out of those dudes.

James Patterson Demons and...

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

James Patterson Max

He nuzzled my neck, inhaling deeply. Mmm. You smell so good.Oh, yeah, I said, smirking. I call this new perfume 'Le Jungle grime et tropical BO.' Dirt and sweat. Very sexy.

James Patterson Nevermore

Uh-oh,' said Gazzy, but Angel was so nauseated she didn't have time to leap to a safe distance, or grab a gas maskBbbbbrrrrrrrttthhhhhhttttttt.'Mother of God, no!' Total cried, doing a fast...

James Patterson Fang

Listen, street punk. You're a guy, and you're a couple inches taller, and maybe forty pounds heavier, and ooh, you're in a gang. But I've survived ten years of Catholic school, and I will cut you off...

James Patterson Angel

I stood my ground. "You evil scientist are all the same--evil. Count me out."Fang and I brushed past Mr. God and walked quickly but smoothly to the exit. It was barely noon, and I'd already made a...

James Patterson Fang

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. {Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.}

James Patterson Angel

And you're blind?Uh-huh, Iggy said, trying to sound bored.Were you born that way?No.How did you become blind, uh, Jeff, is it?Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they...

James Patterson School's...

Q: You'er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to accomplish this?A: Take a running start, brace one foot...

James Patterson Max

Well, that's an evil smile...

James Patterson The Angel...

You looove me. {holds out arms} You love me this much.

James Patterson Saving the World...

I feel like, like pudding," Iggy groaned. "Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain.

James Patterson The Angel...

I can talk to fish! Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. Ask one over for dinner, Fang said, joining us.

James Patterson School's...

They turned to Angel. "We will call you Little One," the leader said, obviously deciding to dispense with the whole confusing name thing."Okay," said Angel agreeably. "I'll call you Guy in a White Lab...

James Patterson Saving the World...

You'll be reading the breakfast menu without me before you know it.Hmm, maybe I don't want to learn French

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...

Wow. See? You can't say that's not impressive. I recognize the names, even if I don't know what they all did. I didn't. He reaches for his wallet and pays our admission charge. I try to get it-since...

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...
Wow. See? You can't say that's not impressive. I recognize the names, even if I don't know what they all did. I didn't. He reaches for his wallet and pays our admission charge. I try to get it-since it was my idea in the first place-but he insists. Happy Thanksgiving, he says, handing me my ticket. Let's see some dead people. We're greeted by an unimaginable number of domes and columns and arches. Everything is huge and round.

Callipygian:Having shapely buttocks.

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...

Hair. Bloody. Hair.

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...

The only French word I know is oui, which means "yes," and only recently did I learn it's spelled o-​u-​i and not w-​e-​e.

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...

Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don't drag down my country's...

Stephen Colbert I Am America

...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me.""You don't know that.""Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.

Carl Hiaasen Sick Puppy

Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.

Carl Hiaasen Chomp

Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.

Carl Hiaasen Strip Tease

Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of you?''There's the tree in the middle,' said the Rose:'what else is it good for?''But what could it do, if any...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

At any rate I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really its coming on very dark. Do you think it's going to rain?'Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and looked up...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

I don't know what you mean by 'glory,' " Alice said. Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. "Of course you don't-till I tell you. I meant 'there's a nice knock-down argument for you!' " "But 'glory'...

Lewis Carroll

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on the slates. What are they doing? Alice whispered to the Gryphon. They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.They're putting...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

Two girls walk past in gargantuan heels and dresses so tight that their skin is spilling out, and one of them says to the other, "Wait, who the fuck is Lewis Carroll?" and in my imagination I pull a...

Alice Oseman Solitaire

For the snark was a boojum, you see.

Lewis Carroll The Hunting of...

Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. 'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...
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Today Birthdays

1971 - Tupac Shakur 1958 - Isobelle Carmody 1917 - Katharine Graham 1955 - Alison Gopnik 1902 - George Gaylord Simpson 1890 - Stan Laurel 1917 - Irving Penn 1946 - Neil MacGregor 1952 - George Papandreou 1988 - Banks 1971 - Imtiaz Ali 1978 - Daniel Bruhl 1970 - Cobi Jones 1955 - Laurie Metcalf 1993 - Park Bo-gum 1902 - Barbara McClintock 1970 - Phil Mickelson
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