Just in case you thought elephants were all sweetness, I can attest to the fact that this one had the time of her life scaring the bejeezus out of those dudes.

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

He nuzzled my neck, inhaling deeply. Mmm. You smell so good.Oh, yeah, I said, smirking. I call this new perfume 'Le Jungle grime et tropical BO.' Dirt and sweat. Very sexy.

Uh-oh,' said Gazzy, but Angel was so nauseated she didn't have time to leap to a safe distance, or grab a gas maskBbbbbrrrrrrrttthhhhhhttttttt.'Mother of God, no!' Total cried, doing a fast...

Listen, street punk. You're a guy, and you're a couple inches taller, and maybe forty pounds heavier, and ooh, you're in a gang. But I've survived ten years of Catholic school, and I will cut you off...

I stood my ground. "You evil scientist are all the same--evil. Count me out."Fang and I brushed past Mr. God and walked quickly but smoothly to the exit. It was barely noon, and I'd already made a...

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. {Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.}

And you're blind?Uh-huh, Iggy said, trying to sound bored.Were you born that way?No.How did you become blind, uh, Jeff, is it?Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they...

Q: You'er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to accomplish this?A: Take a running start, brace one foot...

Well, that's an evil smile...

You looove me. {holds out arms} You love me this much.

I feel like, like pudding," Iggy groaned. "Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain.

I can talk to fish! Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. Ask one over for dinner, Fang said, joining us.

They turned to Angel. "We will call you Little One," the leader said, obviously deciding to dispense with the whole confusing name thing."Okay," said Angel agreeably. "I'll call you Guy in a White Lab...

You'll be reading the breakfast menu without me before you know it.Hmm, maybe I don't want to learn French

Wow. See? You can't say that's not impressive. I recognize the names, even if I don't know what they all did. I didn't. He reaches for his wallet and pays our admission charge. I try to get it-since...

Callipygian:Having shapely buttocks.

Hair. Bloody. Hair.

The only French word I know is oui, which means "yes," and only recently did I learn it's spelled o-​u-​i and not w-​e-​e.

Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don't drag down my country's...

...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me.""You don't know that.""Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.

Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.

Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.

Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of you?''There's the tree in the middle,' said the Rose:'what else is it good for?''But what could it do, if any...

At any rate I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really its coming on very dark. Do you think it's going to rain?'Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and looked up...

I don't know what you mean by 'glory,' " Alice said. Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. "Of course you don't-till I tell you. I meant 'there's a nice knock-down argument for you!' " "But 'glory'...

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on the slates. What are they doing? Alice whispered to the Gryphon. They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.They're putting...

Two girls walk past in gargantuan heels and dresses so tight that their skin is spilling out, and one of them says to the other, "Wait, who the fuck is Lewis Carroll?" and in my imagination I pull a...

For the snark was a boojum, you see.

Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. 'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went...