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Home Page » Categories » Humor

Q: You'er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to accomplish this?A: Take a running start, brace one foot...

James Patterson Max

Well, that's an evil smile...

James Patterson The Angel...

You looove me. {holds out arms} You love me this much.

James Patterson Saving the World...

I feel like, like pudding," Iggy groaned. "Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain.

James Patterson The Angel...

I can talk to fish! Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. Ask one over for dinner, Fang said, joining us.

James Patterson School's...

They turned to Angel. "We will call you Little One," the leader said, obviously deciding to dispense with the whole confusing name thing."Okay," said Angel agreeably. "I'll call you Guy in a White Lab...

James Patterson Saving the World...

You'll be reading the breakfast menu without me before you know it.Hmm, maybe I don't want to learn French

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...

Wow. See? You can't say that's not impressive. I recognize the names, even if I don't know what they all did. I didn't. He reaches for his wallet and pays our admission charge. I try to get it-since...

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...
Wow. See? You can't say that's not impressive. I recognize the names, even if I don't know what they all did. I didn't. He reaches for his wallet and pays our admission charge. I try to get it-since it was my idea in the first place-but he insists. Happy Thanksgiving, he says, handing me my ticket. Let's see some dead people. We're greeted by an unimaginable number of domes and columns and arches. Everything is huge and round.

Callipygian:Having shapely buttocks.

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...

Hair. Bloody. Hair.

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...

The only French word I know is oui, which means "yes," and only recently did I learn it's spelled o-​u-​i and not w-​e-​e.

Stephanie Perkins Anna and the...

Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don't drag down my country's...

Stephen Colbert I Am America

...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me.""You don't know that.""Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.

Carl Hiaasen Sick Puppy

Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.

Carl Hiaasen Chomp

Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.

Carl Hiaasen Strip Tease

Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of you?''There's the tree in the middle,' said the Rose:'what else is it good for?''But what could it do, if any...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

At any rate I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really its coming on very dark. Do you think it's going to rain?'Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and looked up...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

I don't know what you mean by 'glory,' " Alice said. Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. "Of course you don't-till I tell you. I meant 'there's a nice knock-down argument for you!' " "But 'glory'...

Lewis Carroll

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on the slates. What are they doing? Alice whispered to the Gryphon. They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.They're putting...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

Two girls walk past in gargantuan heels and dresses so tight that their skin is spilling out, and one of them says to the other, "Wait, who the fuck is Lewis Carroll?" and in my imagination I pull a...

Alice Oseman Solitaire

For the snark was a boojum, you see.

Lewis Carroll The Hunting of...

Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. 'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went...

Lewis Carroll Alice's...

The chilling thought occurred to me that breaking up with someone you love to criticize might be the only way to save yourself from becoming unlovable

Bob Smith Remembrance of...

I was just, uh...looking at your bush.

Cassie Mae How to Seduce a...

When faced with something I fear, I tend to eat spaghetti.

Mark Helprin Memoir from...

We will meet; and there we may rehearse mostobscenely and courageously.Shakespeare, Midsummer Night's Dream. Spoken by Bottom, Act I Sc. 2

William Shakespeare A Midsummer...

A knavish speech sleeps in a fool's ear.

William Shakespeare Hamlet

Where is Polonius? HAMLET In heaven. Send hither to see. If your messenger find him not there, seek him i' th' other place yourself. But if indeed you find him not within this month, you shall nose...

William Shakespeare Hamlet

JAQUES: Rosalind is your love's name?ORLANDO: Yes, just.JAQUES: I do not like her name.ORLANDO: There was no thought of pleasing you when she was christened.

William Shakespeare As You Like It

And I've thought of a way to help you with the concept of color.Close your eyes and be still, now. I'm going to give you a memory of a rainbow.

Lois Lowry The Giver
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1970 - Leah Remini 1958 - Wade Boggs 1945 - Miriam Defensor-Santiago 1969 - Ice Cube 1968 - Adam Rapp 1902 - Erik Erikson 1973 - Neil Patrick Harris 1946 - Jack Horner 1941 - Harry Nilsson 1950 - Lakshmi Mittal 1994 - Alice Englert 1982 - Rob McClure 1954 - James Belushi 1963 - Helen Hunt
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