The chilling thought occurred to me that breaking up with someone you love to criticize might be the only way to save yourself from becoming unlovable

I was just, uh...looking at your bush.

When faced with something I fear, I tend to eat spaghetti.

We will meet; and there we may rehearse mostobscenely and courageously.Shakespeare, Midsummer Night's Dream. Spoken by Bottom, Act I Sc. 2

A knavish speech sleeps in a fool's ear.

Where is Polonius? HAMLET In heaven. Send hither to see. If your messenger find him not there, seek him i' th' other place yourself. But if indeed you find him not within this month, you shall nose...

JAQUES: Rosalind is your love's name?ORLANDO: Yes, just.JAQUES: I do not like her name.ORLANDO: There was no thought of pleasing you when she was christened.

And I've thought of a way to help you with the concept of color.Close your eyes and be still, now. I'm going to give you a memory of a rainbow.

The brontosaurus had thirty-ton body and a two-ounce brain. The anatosaurus had two thousand teeth. Triceratops had a helmet of filled bone seven feet long. Tyrannosaurus rex had tiny arms and teeth...

What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for?

‎No people whose word for 'yesterday' is the same as their word for 'tomorrow' can be said to have a firm grip on the time.

If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard.

I lean back. What the hell are you doing?What do you mean? she asks, innocently batting her eyelashes against the hot sun beaming down on us.Is she kidding me?Where's you toungue? I ask stupidly.Her...

Okay, seriously, I dont know if this is true or not, but I heard people who use profanity are trying to compensate for their lack of you know... size -Tuck

Hey, Carlos, the Professor says when he walks in. How was REACH?It sucked.Can you be more specific? my guardian asks.It really sucked, I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word.

While the churches, bringing the sweet smell of piety for the soul, came in prancing and farting like brewery horses in bock-beer time, the sister evangelism, with release and joy for the body, crept...

The medical profession is unconsciously irritated by lay knowledge.

But it isn't hunger that drives millions of armed American Males to forests and hills every autumn, as the high incidence of heart failure among the hunters will prove. Somehow the hunting process has...

Beans are a warm cloak against economic cold.

One night when I was pregnant with Henry, I lay in bed thinking for some reason, about Treasure Island. I realized that from the entire book there was only one sentence I remembered verbatim,...

When the corpses of {Sir John} Franklin's officers and crew were later discovered, miles from their ships, the men were found to have left behind their guns but to have lugged such essentials as...

His books commingled democratically, united under the all-inclusive flag of Literature. Some were vertical, some horizontal, and some actually placed behind others. Mine were balkanized by nationality...

THE NECESSITY OF APPEARING IN YOUR OWN FACEThere are days when that is the last placein the world that you want to be but youhave to be there, like a movie, because it-----features you.

Ukridge was the sort of man who asks you to dinner, borrows money from you to pay the bill, and winds up the evening by embroiling you in a fight with a cabman.

How sharper than a serpent's tooth, I remember Jeeves saying once, it is to have a thankless child, and it isn't a dashed sight better having a thankless aunt.

I said, 'Don't talk rot, Old Tom Travers.""I am not accustomed to talk rot," he said."Then, for a beginner," I said, "you do it dashed well.

He was always inclined to read a fictitious sombreness into things when the shadows began to creep over the world and it was still too early for a cocktail.

Properly cared for, a Savile Row suit can be handed down the generations-like gout.

{On writing Jeeves and Wooster stories}:You tell yourself that you can take Jeeves stories or leave them alone, that one more can't possibly hurt you, because you know you can pull up whenever you...

He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes.He's always taking something - generally food.