I modeled myself after Deborah Kerr for her romantic, untouched quality; Ingrid Bergman for her strength; and Kay Kendall for her wonderful sense of humor.

What do you want me to do, rob a bank?

What we really wanted to call it was 'I Rhoda Book.'

'The Santa Claus' with Tim Allen, I watch it in July. I think he's so funny.

As soon as someone tells me: 'You're rather sexy,' I wish I could disappear. If somebody says: 'You were voted the world's sexiest man,' I have no idea what that means. How do I respond? 'Thank you'...

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

If Mr. Selwyn calls again, show him up; if I am alive I shall be delighted to see him; and if I am dead he would like to see me.

I'm watching the Weather Channel more than I've ever watched it. I'm scared to death it's going to rain.

I like banks because they keep my money safe, but I don't want to talk about banks 12 times a year.

Our trouble is that we drink too much tea. I see in this the slow revenge of the Orient, which has diverted the Yellow River down our throats.

Ike runs the country, and I turn the pork chops.

Human beings can always be relied upon to exert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid.

I don't sing. If I could sing or dance, I would have done something really gross in a G-string by now - when I wasn't working and was desperate - and ruined my career.

Taste is one of the five senses, and the man who tells us with priggish pride that he does not care what he eats is merely boasting of his sad deficiency: he might as well be proud of being deaf or...

My theory is that I'm just closer to the sun than everyone else. I weigh more than everyone else, I'm taller than everyone else. When it's really humid and hot outside it's going to take a bigger toll...

He's a couple sandwiches short of a picnic.

How do you say no when a little kid is asking you for ice cream? I know I can't say no to it myself.

I've been delivering these little homilies since 1980 - that's 37 years - and altogether, NPR statisticians tell me, my bloviation total is 1,656 commentaries - and I trust you've hung onto every...

I dress up for awards, but only if somebody else is going to pay for the clothes. And shop for them, too!

I often quote Ronald Reagan, who is pretty close to my favorite President ever. I will have to say that, but one of my favorite remarks he ever made was that when you look at Federal programs, there...

I'm more like a spoon symbol. I think women just want to spoon me.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

I think I need a little break. I've got a two-year old. I'll be part of The Leisure Class for a while.

My man has to be more intelligent than I am, which is difficult to find. He should definitely be more successful than me, which is not so difficult to find. I'd be a fool to expect a better looking...

I thought Beverly Hills was a gated community. I always drove around Beverly Hills because I thought that there's a guard that was going to stop me.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

I have an inability to enjoy things, but that's why we're in comedy. If we were happy, we wouldn't be funny, I guess.

I'll promise to go easier on drinking and to get to bed earlier, but not for you, fifty thousand dollars, or two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars will I give up women. They're too much fun.

To be an Instagram model, you absolutely cannot just post pictures of yourself in a bikini for the sake of people seeing you in a bikini - even if that is exactly what you are doing. No, you need to...