The funniest part of that joke is, 'say what you will about Hitler'.

Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me... only he's an imbecile.

Magnus had often thought of getting a pet, but he had never considered acquiring a sullen teenage vampire. Once Raphael was gone, he thought, he was getting a cat. And he would always throw his cat a...

Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house. Simon pointed at Jace.

"Who was the moron on the phone?" "Carl Avery," Kate said. "A long-standing client and potential felon."

If chocolate were a mandatory part of breakfast, people wouldn't be sogrouchy in the morning.

"I shall write an ode!" threatened Philip direfully. "Ah no, that is too much!" cried De Vangrisse with feeling.

"Oh, Randall, don't be such a vile beast!" "I don't think much of that," he said critically. "Amiable snake was much better."

Thanks for outing me. Anytime, cupcake. Now I'm taking my psychic ass to bed. That door spanked me.

Zeus is the king, right? He thinks he is most days. Personally, I think he's a pompous ass who should be bitch-slapped by Hera at least once in his existence.

"When the time is right, you might consider telling Theo that you've been in love with him for a long time now." Lucy sniffed. "And I'm supposed to do this without Milk Duds? As if!"

"A stuffed animal, man!" I roared at him. "Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!"

It's like zen. Only not as subtle.

So what? All writers are unhinged!

"They'll probably gang up on you this time." "Lovely! Any advice?" "Pray." "Which god?" "All of them."

And when Hugh would grow progressively Gandhi on me, I'd remind him that these were pests - - - disease carriers who feasted upon the dead and then came indoors to dance upon our silverware.

Silence, and then Eve said, Okay, that was extra creepy, with whipped creepy topping. And this is me, changing my mind.

Claire: So we do nothing? Michael: We do the best nothing you've ever seen.

"Listen, Peaches, is what humans are all about," said the voice of Maurice. "They're so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them."

Oh. They were trying to be inconspicuous. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I'd never had an attempt at intimidation whispered at me before.

"You're taking a nap? Come on, Kate, I need you for this fight. Stop lying around." "You must think you're funny." "Just saying, you have to pull your own weight. A hot body and flirting will only get...

Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand...

You scared my pants off!

You emptied the top rack of the dishwasher but not the bottom, so the clean dishes have gotten all mixed up with the dirty ones - and now you want to have sex?

Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a...

Bing! Bing who? Bing down the house! Knock knock! Who's there? Zany! Zany

You know how they put the bubbles in this stuff? Vinyáya's mouth twitched with the ghost of a smile. I thought it was naturally carbonated. Yeah, that's what I thought until I got a prison job at the...

Perhaps the most irrational fashion act of all was the male habit for 150 years of wearing wigs. Samuel Pepys, as with so many things, was in the vanguard, noting with some apprehension the purchase...

There is nothing about a bad situation that fourteen hyper cheerleaders can't worsen.

I'd never been much of an athlete, due to a physical condition I'd had since birth {unathleticism}. Perhaps if there were a sport centered around lying on your couch in a neurotic stupor all day, I'd...