I shot him a look. That bouncer was really big.His lips quirked. Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things.What?The grin spread. I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know. he...

I think that's possibly the nicest thing you have said to me. Ever.I laughed. No it's not. I've said nice things to you before.Like what?There had to be another situation when I'd said something nice....

Oh! What thing? A thing with Daemon, and if you say yes, please tell me that thing starts with an s and ends with an x." I opened my eyes and frowned. "Geez, you're worse than a dude.

He can read your mind without even knowing. Dee's face went from pale to bright cherry. Oh God.What?She smacked her hands over her face. Well, the whole time we were downstairs, I was picturing him...

Because this absolutely insane - the craziest thing I'd ever done. Worse than giving a one-star review, scarier than asking for an interview with an author I'd give my firstborn to eat lunch with,...

Me and Katy look adorkable in extraterrestrialhighway shirts. You would just look stupid. You can thank me later.

A few seconds after he stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him, there was a fleshly smack and then Andrew yelling, Ouch. What in the hell was that for? Your timing sucks on an epic...

Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!" Dee shrieked. "My eyes!

But if you eat this chap who's God,' said Llewelyn stoutly, 'how can it be horrible? If it's alright to eat God why is it horrible to eat Jim Whittle?' 'Because,' said Dymphna reasonably, ' if you eat...

{S}ometimes, when you are a food person, the possible irrelevance of what you are doing doesn't cross your mind until it's too late. {Once, for example, when I was just starting out in the food...

Every so often I would look at my women friends who were happily married and didn't cook, and I would always find myself wondering how they did it. Would anyone love me if I couldn't cook? I always...

You know what happens on live TV?Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Boob happens on live TV. Adele Dazeem happens on live TV. President Al Gore happens on live TV

He's spending a year dead for tax reasons.

Puddings, my dear sir?' cried Graham.Puddings. We trice 'em athwart the starboard gumbrils, when sailing by and large.

...looking angrily at the wombat: and a moment later, 'Come now, Stephen, this is coming it pretty high: your brute is eating my hat.' 'So he is, too,' said Dr. Maturin. 'But do not be perturbed,...

To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as Thank God its Friday {without the apostrophe} rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive its {no...

I waved back and went in, and began to sort my way through ancient building plans that had been rolled up so long that straightening them out was like six bouts with an octopus.

It is all very well to say that all princesses are good and beautiful and charming; but this is usually a determined optimism on everybody's part rather than the truth. After all, if a girl is a...

Even Mongo liked him, although Mongo likes everybody. {Also Mongo was so thrilled with himsel for staying in the dog bed till I'd released him that was going to blow his mood.}

The sheep, I guess demented with love, didn't object to this at all. Casimir somehow found time to pull up some grass for it, and it lay down and munched its grass and then chewed its cud like hanging...

Majid gave me a brief dazzling golden stare and then half-lidded his eyes again. I know when my life is being threatened.

...but with the hours I sometimes kept at the coffeehouse I had to have learned to take naps during the day or die, and I had learned to take naps. Up until five months ago "something or other or die"...

I love you. I will love you till the stars crumble, which is a less idle threat than is usual to lovers on parting.

Vampires do breathe, by the way, but their chests don't move like humans'. Have you ever lain in the arms of your sweetheart and tried to match your breathing to his, or hers? You do it automatically....

I like that: a little pressure on the understood boundaries of yourself. Sounded like something out of a self-awareness class, probably with yoga. See what kind of a pretzel you can tie yourself into...

Who knows, my friend? Maybe the sword does have some magic. Personally, I think it's the warrior who wields it.

Err, sorry Father Abbot. I tripped y'see. Trod on my Abbot, Father Habit. Oh dear, I mean....

I think it's a rule that it's socially acceptable to wet yourself when aliens enter your mind for the first time. If it wasn't already, it is now.

Cover your butt. Bernard is watching.

You frighten me, when you say there isn't time.I don't see why. Christians have been expecting the imminent end of the world for millennia.But it keeps not ending.So far, so good.