He's spending a year dead for tax reasons.

Puddings, my dear sir?' cried Graham.Puddings. We trice 'em athwart the starboard gumbrils, when sailing by and large.

...looking angrily at the wombat: and a moment later, 'Come now, Stephen, this is coming it pretty high: your brute is eating my hat.' 'So he is, too,' said Dr. Maturin. 'But do not be perturbed,...

To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as Thank God its Friday {without the apostrophe} rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive its {no...

I waved back and went in, and began to sort my way through ancient building plans that had been rolled up so long that straightening them out was like six bouts with an octopus.

It is all very well to say that all princesses are good and beautiful and charming; but this is usually a determined optimism on everybody's part rather than the truth. After all, if a girl is a...

Even Mongo liked him, although Mongo likes everybody. {Also Mongo was so thrilled with himsel for staying in the dog bed till I'd released him that was going to blow his mood.}

The sheep, I guess demented with love, didn't object to this at all. Casimir somehow found time to pull up some grass for it, and it lay down and munched its grass and then chewed its cud like hanging...

Majid gave me a brief dazzling golden stare and then half-lidded his eyes again. I know when my life is being threatened.

...but with the hours I sometimes kept at the coffeehouse I had to have learned to take naps during the day or die, and I had learned to take naps. Up until five months ago "something or other or die"...

I love you. I will love you till the stars crumble, which is a less idle threat than is usual to lovers on parting.

Vampires do breathe, by the way, but their chests don't move like humans'. Have you ever lain in the arms of your sweetheart and tried to match your breathing to his, or hers? You do it automatically....

I like that: a little pressure on the understood boundaries of yourself. Sounded like something out of a self-awareness class, probably with yoga. See what kind of a pretzel you can tie yourself into...

Who knows, my friend? Maybe the sword does have some magic. Personally, I think it's the warrior who wields it.

Err, sorry Father Abbot. I tripped y'see. Trod on my Abbot, Father Habit. Oh dear, I mean....

I think it's a rule that it's socially acceptable to wet yourself when aliens enter your mind for the first time. If it wasn't already, it is now.

Cover your butt. Bernard is watching.

You frighten me, when you say there isn't time.I don't see why. Christians have been expecting the imminent end of the world for millennia.But it keeps not ending.So far, so good.

If you lay a hand on me I'll ram your testicles so far up inside your abdomen it'll take a heart surgeon to get them out.

So you love me, said Petra softly when the kiss ended.I'm a raging mass of hormones thet I'm too young to understand, said Bean. You're a female of a closely related species. According to all the best...

Dad lost his job. Then he got a new job. Then he got his old job back and went back to it. They were all in the same building.

I think it's good to smile at everybody so that everyone knows you love everyone. It's good for human pacifism.

With hand gestures, you can fill in a lot of gaps, and the words thing and stuff and -ness also help: patientness instead of patience, fastness instead of speed, honestness instead of honesty. With...

Your eyes shine, he said. How do they do that?Blood, she said.

I like to smile at the men who look mean so they know I believe in their better selves. That makes a difference in the world. This is how you might be able to reform a possible rapist without ever...

When we got to the moron who was sitting in the only path to the stairway, Adam caught my waist and lifted me over before stepping over the man himself.Scott? Adam said as we headed upstairs....

KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with...

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Yossarian was moved by such intense pity for his poverty that he wanted to smash his pale. sad, sickly face with his fist and knock him out of existence

In short, he was a dope. He often looked to Yossarian like one of those people hanging around modern museums with both eyes together on one side of a face. It was an illusion, of course, generated by...